Saturday, June 9, 2007

"This Girl"

His story is one that came incomplete and in between an endless search for more alcohol. From what I can gather he was born in Glendale, Ca, and from there his story moves to Berkeley. He majored in something related to math and science and became involved with the rock and roll dream. He said he did the whole drugs, sex and rock n' roll thing for a while and then it spun out of control and he found himself an alcoholic. He moved to Ashland four or five years ago and has been living on the streets for at least that long. He wants to have a sex change in Brazil. I couldn't get much else from His past, but I was able to see the man as he was; a man searching for companionship and trapped by alcohol. He looked about 40, was wearing a white shawl becasue it looked pretty, and sometimes called himself "this old cat".

Most of the time he called himself "this girl" because he saw himself as a girl. He would look at every girl that passed us by and comment on how pretty she was; whether it was longing for the figure of a girl or a show of lust I could not tell. He had been alone for a long time and the people he called his friends were the shop owners who would kick him out of their store. He was always commenting on his appearance saying "I am disgusting": about his breathe and teeth and clothes, he was highly concerned, yet he had no power to change them. He wanted to be desired by someone, but he knew that no one wanted him around.

Once in a while he would stop mumbling and looking in trash cans for more alcohol and look at me. I think he was testing if I was real and perhaps trying to figure out why i was there. My presence alone, for the couple hours we spent together, brought him to tears when i told him i had to go eventually. He kept trying to put off the eventual part: offering me a drink, a place to sit, more "friends" that I must meet. I was able to tell him a little bit about my story and the things that made me a "nice straight, (completely straight?), guy" as he put it. He couldn't believe that i was straight because i was spending time with him.

I learned a lot from my time with "this girl" though he may never know it. At parting I prayed for him and asked God to heal his body and give him the same freedom that he gave me... freedom only found in Christ.

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